~I wrote this on the 25th… I TOLD you I was site publishing challenged! Bound to happen sooner or later.
A recent discussion has me considering a new BFF. I say a new one because I had one who I somehow/ somewhere/ some-when lost along the way. I do miss my old BFF but hey, what can you do, right? Club ’em over the head and drag ’em back to the cave? A little excessive and kinky but it still comes down to location, location, location.
I should clarify that in my world a BFF is male. I’m making that a hard and fast rule. I have been trying out a real-life female BFF and to be honest, this test-drive is turning up some significant issues. Not only is the chassis soft but there’s one or two valves missing on the down-stroke and I’m sure she’ll blow a gasket any minute! I have a gaggle of female BF’s who I get in trouble with and do the girlie thing with but a female BFF? I’m not feeling it. I’m getting why we of the gentler sex are so often referred to as HORMONAL. Thanks a lot! Now I have to figure out how to break-up with her! How do you do that? Is it the same way you break up with a guy? What if she starts crying? I can’t handle crying! I can’t handle crying when I do it! CRAP!
Now you would think I would be a great female BFF. I don’t say much. I sit and listen. I only answer direct questions and I answer them honestly. According to women, I am a woman who scares the hell out of women. WTF?! Who says that sh–? Apparently my BF’s when they’ve been drinking too much and it’s time to play Truth or Dare. Idiots. Still, they are my BF’s and I’ve had them forever but none of them are BFF material. Even they know that a guy has had and always will have that position.
NEVER THE DAMN GOOSE.
When I first threw the idea of a BFF out into the internet jungle I was thinking application. Nothing long! My requirements of a BFF are few. Honesty, integrity, loyalty, intelligence and dignity. Then we came up with some gratuitous violence. I gotta say, this one really appeals to me! Physical or mental. I am not above a bit of knock-down, drag-out! Written sparring done well makes me positively giddy! I suppose that is what I miss about my old BFF. Long chats where all hell would break loose. Message board posts full of vim and vitriol (I know their $5 words, look them up!). The PM asides where all the BFF’s who are giving each other hell are actually laughing their asses off because somebody takes it all to seriously.
That has fallen all by the wayside though which is probably how I lost my old BFF. First MySpace; then Facebook took over, now message boards seem to be a relic of the past. Who chats when you can go Live with status updates? Apparently one billion people. Well strip me down and call me Leila, no really… call me Leila. One billion people already can so why shouldn’t you? One billion people knowing my biz freaks me out and must freak my old BFF out too because his slippery self done slithered off into some sunset.
So, I’m in that gray area– Quandary. Wondering what I should do and will it be worth it. I enjoy the linearity of the male mind. The simple straightforwardness. A BFF has nothing to lose in the relationship. You talk, you listen, you laugh, you cry, no BS. UNCOMPLICATED. I’m good with that, really good with that.
Now comes that hard part: POULTRY
Yep, feathers have been known to fly. Women too, despite all that’s holy, think with the wrong parts of their anatomy– go figure. That’s why the smart thing to do is learn from your mistakes, learn how to hang drywall and have a hard head. Learning how to pluck a bird might not be too bad either.
Anyone want to be my BFF?