Dear Vajajay

ATTITUDE!

ATTITUDE!

Dear Vajajay,

What is up with the attitude? It is bad enough that I have to put up with the BS from the penile-deficit but seriously? You and I have been together all of our lives. You are the one thing I have always been able to count on. I treat you with the utmost care and consideration and for this you BITCH?

I have to say my feelings are hurt.

I get the bored thing. Believe me, I soooo know where you’re coming from there. You do nothing but sit around all day, reading steamy romance novels with hot sex scenes in them and get all worked up and—pfffttt. Nothing; all that anticipation, right down the drain. What you’d been anticipating walks in the door and…ugh. It’s a cruel world Vee, a very cruel world indeed. You can only lead a horse to water though. Anything else I’m beginning to think is just pure dumb luck ’cause it sure as hell ain’t from lack of tryin’.

Now, I know we’ve always taken care of each other in the past but I find that boring. We could do the Alice thing and fall down the Rabbit-Hole but like all good fairy tales, even Wonderland came to a screeching (screaming?) halt on the last page. Experience also dictates that d-cells fall dead at the most inopportune times. If we are going to drink this particular potion, then will it be too big/ too small? Pink, purple, red, clear—blue? Ew! Accessorize or is standard the best way to go?

And if you ever, ever say that it’s a money thing again I will shave you bald and pierce you 6 ways to Sunday!!! Damn lucky I didn’t slap those brass balls you’re always braggin’ about right out of you! Does this mean you want a downgrade?  Should I just dump your special drawer in the trash and go back to shopping for you at Wally World? We can make that happen. It would be a damn sight easier on my pocketbook that’s for certain.  I think you should hush for now; just in case.

Oh, and that other thing you suggested. That just wasn’t right. I still can’t decide whether I should be mortified or pissed off. If you were anything else I would probably have left your ass stranded on the side of the road. Seein’ as how we’re stuck with each other and all, I guess you got lucky again. Get this through that mop of yours though—we do not pick up “strange”!!! You could get one of us dead that way and I for one don’t want to be dead. There’s boredom then there is friggin’ stupid. I think you went with #2 this time.

Listen Vee, I’m glad we could have this chat. Um,the doorbell just rang though see and I need to sign off. I ordered food from the Italian place down the street. What do you mean? But he’s not a stranger. He’s been delivering our food for months now. You’re wearing those lacy– ? Shut your pie hole!

Answer the door already!

Answer the door already!

Hugz,

Leila

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8 thoughts on “Dear Vajajay

  1. Pingback: The Racist Blogger

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