The Wall O’ Silence.
Someone puhleez tell me what this solves. I mean beyond having something to run into and bounce my head off of repeatedly. Or to scream at until my ears bleed. I consider this one of the cruelest forms of punishment that one person can inflict upon another. I’ve tried it. I think the longest I’ve been able to hold out is maybe a half hour. I start to feel rude at that point and find it necessary to offer someone a drink or ask if they need something. An icepick maybe so they can put themselves out of my misery?
I’m a talker.
Silence is not golden and is so obviously not a personal mantra. I talk to my plants, the TV– my coffee cup. Even when I’m pissed off its drop jaw and spew, loudly, quickly and violently. Once I’ve done that I’m done though. It’s a throwback to living alone that I’ve never grown out of I’m sure, so how about a little compromise. After all, I make allowances for “other” people being an ass. I acknowledge the Do Not Enter zone after an argument so throwing Wordy Wanda over here a bone shouldn’t be that difficult. Spewing back AND wall o’ silence seems like—what’s that sports analogy (I know there has to be one)—right, unnecessary roughness if you ask me.
Now we are entering the stage of loss o’ patience and cross o’ eyes on my part. Oh wow… is that side burnt? Well, you did say you wanted it well done. I’m sorry; I didn’t get laundry done today. I was really busy playing Mavis at Scrabble. We’re still tied but I’m sure I’ll beat her tomorrow. Maybe I can get you some clean socks by the day after; or you could always go buy some. What was that? Oh, I’m fine. Me and Mr. Bunny took care of that this afternoon. Nice of you to offer. One more thing– we’re out of dog food and toilet paper so you need to run down to the grocery and get some. It’s my night out with the girls and J just pulled up. See you when I get home! Ah-ah, no need to say anything… I know how it is. Air Kiss!
Five Hours Later…
Baay-baay! Oh Baay- baay! Whatchya doin’? Are ya aslee-eep? Wakey-wake-eey. C’mon Baay-baay–wake uu-uup. I wanna taa-aallk. Nooo I’mmm– not drrrink, I mean drrrank, uh, drunk. Ammm not. Nooot. Not! Wake up dammit. Lookacheer, I wanna talk NOW! Do ya think I care ya gotta work in the mornin’? Fuck that noise. Fuck you too! Ah, go sick a stock in it!
Wall O’ friggin Silence for another week. Go figure…