To Whom It May Concern

DSC_0276To Whom It May Concern,

Is this a joke? I don’t remember ordering any fucked-up fortune cookie to go with my coffee. Just where do you omniscient beings get off, sending out this kind of crap to start a person’s year with.

The previous year has been a test.

You know what? I’ve got your test right here—bite me!

Is this your way of telling me this next year is going to be more of the same? Do I get a do-over?  Or is somebody gonna rub my feet… maybe something as simple as get a week’s worth of decent sleep? How about you smartasses keep your pecker-pullers out of my life for a while and leave me in peace, hmm? That’d be nice, and a change. No, you with your terse one-liners expect me to just sit back and wait for it don’t you, ya lousy SOB’s. Y’all are probably sittin’ around a table in some ethereal whorehouse, smokin’ dope and boozin’ it up while you pull names out of a giant fishbowl.

These are the ones we’re gonna fuck with this year… screw the sorry bastards if they can’t take a joke.

I’m just wondering if you honestly think you’re funny. That people appreciate the joke. Personally, I don’t feel it. Matter of fact; if you were to walk in my door right now incarnate I’d probably shoot your stupid ass—and laugh. ‘Cause I AM a funny person, ha-ha. My name has been pulled out of the bowl one too many times. Hear me [?], ONE TOO MANY TIMES!

Test my ass… I better have a goddamn good year for once!



Life’s a bitch.



2 thoughts on “To Whom It May Concern

  1. Had the previous year been an actual emergency, the tone you just heard would have been proceeded by a frantic newsman screaming that we were all going to die and the sound of shit hitting the fan.

    This concludes our test of the previous year.

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