An Elephant In The Room

Okay, maybe not an elephant so much as a major annoyance, but when is it not when it comes to The Goose.

I have really tried not to write about this subject because I believe it has been bludgeoned to death. You either love it– get all wet and worked up or it falls flat– you can’t see why someone would waste time and good money let alone brain cells.

That’s right… Fifty Shades of What the Hell Was She Thinking?

Bet, you can’t guess which camp I fall into.

Look, I’m all for someone exploring their inner goddess and hey, if they got a Red Room of anything that’s their business. I use to have a gorgeous red dining room, GORGEOUS(!)— wouldn’t have a leather swing hanging from the ceiling though. Wouldn’t have published this book either.

That being said, The Goose stumbled upon a review of it or heard something about it on TV and asked if I read it. I told him it was crap.

Apparently information acquired from an expert (that would be ME) was insufficient for his needs. He had to find out more.

Since The Goose is not a reader of fiction he turned to the most logical place for information about said piece of wasted tree and octopus piss– YouTube. I have listened to discourse on that literary monstrosity from every piece of electronic equipment in my house. But mostly he watches the shit on our 60″ LCD, internet-ready TV. Do you know what it is like to have Gilbert Godfried sit across from you in a room, larger than life, and read to you about KINKY SEX? DO YOU?! Well, you can check it out here. Or how about George Takei?

Then there was the lecture from the golden girls, which I actually thought was hilarious…especially when they would start to read something. “‘Oh he whipped her’ Oh my Gawd, he sounds like a good lover”, that had me smiling a bit. Nothing like someone’s grandma rolling out the word fellatio to brighten your day either. I think my grandma would pass-out from mortification.

Parody Anyone:

This has been going on for a couple of weeks now. I have heard any number of song parodies and I have heard the last four presidents, Ren & Stimpy, The Simpsons, the cast from the Family Guy and pretty much every A and B list movie star read this book. Either as themselves or as an impression done by someone else. Seriously people, the book ISN’T that good! If you’re into BDSM surf the web, you can find much better. I did and it didn’t take me that long. And no, you will have to find your own smut. I only, um, looked for research purposes.

If you want to read a REALLY good take on why not to read this asinine trilogy of trash then check out Fifty what what? at my friend Jason’s blog. Becca at also has her own satirical take on it.

And this guy…well, his Morgan Freeman impersonation slays me so grab a sandwich and check it out.


14 thoughts on “An Elephant In The Room

  1. Well, I’m a bad friend, because it took a pingback for me to come back here. But thank you so much for the plug. I am sure Becca will think I am pleased to have been mentioned first, but you know very well how humble I am and such things don’t matter to me. 😉
    In all honesty, I read somewhere between a quarter-to-third of the first book and… once the sex actually started, I find myself laughing much more than titillated. I know I’m a dude, but, I know bad writing when I see it, and EL James makes Stephenie Meyer look like frickin’ Shakespeare. 😀

    • Yes, you are a bad friend. You know this puts you back down to bottoom-feeder status again, right? I am religious about reading your blog .05 after all 😉 I have to worship at Becca’s feet now to make up for my transgressions.

      I could not get past the couple of chapters. That is how poorly I think this book was written. That people would jump on board with bad FANFICTION shows just how gullible the public is. They could have read this all for free too instead of killing trees.

  2. OMG! The parody was hilarious!

    I really know nothing at all about this book, and only first heard about it a couple months ago… but it cracks me up the way it’s talked about all over!

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