Death by Zumba

zumbaMy home is a veritable electronic jungle. This means I have the capabilities to “do” Zumba® on multiple platforms. Since I have these capabilities

Okay, let’s go back and scratch that because seriously, I don’t have any capability at all. If anything, Zumba® has taught me just how much grace I lack and how much more likely I am to trip, fall and break my leg.

What might be worse is that my brain wrapped around this idea that it wasn’t ME, it was the machine. I had a Wii when Zumba® came out; the whole belt, motion sensor combo seemed awkward and cumbersome. Ah-ha! My brain said. She’s worried too much about the damn thing falling down so now she has two left feet and can’t keep a beat. Oh, and look! Now she has skinned her knees and her ankle is the size of a softball! I don’t think I ever completed a dance/song with a “pass” and I could never do it in front of The Goose without being utterly humiliated.

When the X-box Kinect was scheduled to come out I started drooling. I WANTED ONE! For no other reason then Zumba®.

Idiot.

We already had an X-box though and it wasn’t compatible with the Kinect– oh my! New system! Let see, that would make– one, two, three X-boxes and one Wii. Goosey-boy was getting that wall-eyed look about him, especially since I couldn’t come up with a better reason than the Zumba®. He gets the same look when I buy a new pair of shoes… wonder why that is? Anyway, after a great deal of cajoling and the other X-box acting wonky (hmm)… SCORE! Brand new X-box w/Kinect, brand new Zumba® and I’m on my way to a brand new me!

Not.

No, The Goose sets everything up, pops in the Zumba® disc and first, I had to watch HIM do a routine. Let me just say, you don’t want to see this. It is not suitable viewing. I’d rather see a hippo wallow in mud. I– it was very, very bad.

Then it was my turn. “Out! Out!” No snickering or smart aleck comments from the peanut gallery for me.

I chose something fairly simple to start out with and not even a minute into it– BAM(!) I hit the floor, with my ass, hard. WTH?! I got back up and tried again, different song, little bit slower, same thing– BAM(!) On my knees, wtf?! I’m looking around trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong… shoes on (√), tied (√), clothes not falling down (√)… the only thing I saw was The Chosen One himself and I was all ready to blame the sorry-ass, furry, bastage but he bolted before I could lay my hands on him. Smart cat.

The sad thing is I can dance. Without falling down, in high-heels and everything. Apparently though, I am incapable of organized dancing involving shadow people on a TV screen. And my brain has difficulties processing “right” and “left”.

So, the dance disc sits on the shelf and I just play Elderscrolls now, ensuring there will be no death by Zumba® or a broken neck. More my speed anyway– Couch potato.

(I’ve done this work out in classes… OH MY FRIGGIN GAWD!)

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18 thoughts on “Death by Zumba

  1. I love Zumba. It’s a great workout at any speed. The best thing about it is that you just have fun. It’s not not how well you keep up but rather combining exercise and fun by dancing. If you can have fun while you get some fitness in why not I say. From my experience the bigger the class the better. Having a great teacher like that woman in the video makes it that much more enjoyable. Hope you stick with it. 🙂

  2. I’ve ATTEMPTED Zumba once, and the entire time I felt like an idiot–and I looked like one too. The good news was, it was among a bunch of older ladies (the demographic at my gym), and so I wasn’t too embarrassed. …But I think I’ll stick to running.

  3. Couch potato seems perfect to me. I did strip aerobics once. It was fun. We just got an xbox, we are getting the connect for it for my son’s birthday. I might need that game… though it is in the Movie room and I would have to move the recliners.

  4. (old crotchety voice) You know, back in my day, the only injury you had to worry about when you were playing a video game was Nintendo Thumb. Ya whippersnappers and your Wiiiiis and Exboxes, and all this Zoomba nonsense…. phooey!!! I’m gonna sit on the couch here and play 8-bit Mario Brothers until I need to change my Depends… (/old crotchety voice)

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